Time to get going again

Today starts the return to the grind of studying after a nearly two week hiatus. It's difficult right now because my family is still in town for a few more days, and I feel guilty for poking my nose into a book instead of into their business. However, I have a fantastic family who is incredibly understanding, so any hesitation is solely on my end.

Today's agenda:

• 2 verbal passages
• reading TBR physics ch 10
• 1st third questions

Now let's see if the drunks, gang-bangers, idiots, assholes, and other trauma-prone people can stay safe tonight and let me stay home to ring in the New Year with a kiss from my boys.

Prep work complete

I adjusted my google calendar for the new test date. Perhaps more technologically savvy people would have known how to adjust a google calendar file, but I had to move all 96 days' agendas individually to a new calendar setup. As a nerd, I love schedules- checking things off of a list, and knowing exactly what I'm supposed to be doing on a particular day. It's my security blankie, my thumb to suck, my pacifier.

I must say, I think it is *highly* appropriate that New Year's Eve is Day 1 of studying. I'm on call tomorrow night, so we'll see if I get extra time to study overnight. No boozing it up for me, just sparkling cider, silly paper hats we make with the kids, and hopefully getting a chance to yell Happy New Year with my family.

13+ weeks to go

Today is the 29th, and the test is on April 4th- that's about 13.5 weeks from now. (The date is better than January for many reasons, not the least of which is the fact that I won't be taking a major test that determines my future in the middle of a packed quarter.) I'm debating whether to start the schedule I follow from the beginning again, or to continue where I left off. I'm actually leaning towards doing it backwards, starting at the end, and ending at the beginning. Yeah, I'm pretty sure that would be the best use of my time. I will start again in earnest next week, around the 3rd, but I'll do some tomorrow night, just to get back into the groove.

In stressed parenting news, I've been having all these weird dreams lately where my son is in trouble and I have to rescue him. One was where he was kidnapped from the airport and I couldn't find him. My family was also at the airport, but they were texting me from afar, telling me they would wait for me at a restaurant- in other words, no one was helping me. That seems to be par for the course in these dreams of mine- 911 doesn't work when I call, I can't call out of my cell phone, I can't scream, etc. I don't fully remember the other two dreams, but they were very similar, where my son was in trouble and I had to help him. Each time I woke up panicky, with my heart beating fast, fearful that I lost my baby, and he was scared and alone, needing me. I wonder if it's because I've felt like I was neglecting to find a balance between what I need to do (school, work, etc) and what I need to do for him (bedtime tuck-ins, game nights, etc.) My husband actually does the lions' share of taking care of our son, but I don't feel like I'm shirking my responsibilities. Tonight while I'm at work, my son is having a sleepover with family. That's how I get through school, work, and parenting- a village is helping raise him.

I'm actually surprised the dreams aren't entailing me rescuing my husband. He's still searching for a job, getting nowhere excruciatingly slowly. We both get very excited when he finally lands an interview, only to be crushed when he isn't selected for the position. The stress of him being unemployed is getting to both of us- it feels like a stifling hot pressure that you have no hope of alleviating. It's the stress of being at the mercy of strangers, that you cannot fix the problem on your own, that there's no hope or end in sight. If anyone out there is reading this and is a praying soul, please pray for him, that he finds something soon. Our prayers have fallen on deaf ears for the past few months, and we could use a break.

School starts for all of us next week and I'm glad to return to a routine after the unstructured holiday time. I'll be taking three classes this quarter, all biology, one of which is with a teacher I've had before who is pretty cool. I'll be spending 9am to 3pm on mcat stuff, attending classes from 3:30 to 8, then home with the family. Weekends will be for work, sleeping, and spending time with the family. The incredible thing about work is that I can study while I'm there- for that I am extremely grateful.

I also am filling out SMP applications, right now to Midwestern in Arizona and Georgetown. After school has resumed I will contact the schools for transcripts (all four of them!) and get my LORs. I've gotten through the mundane in the applications, now I just need to write my essays. I am a very good writer, but I don't write very well when I'm tired, so I'll save those for another day.

Here's to tomorrow being a good day, with movies, extended family, good food, and quiet sleep. Please, let there be good news soon for my husband- he deserves it, he's a wonderful man.

New D-day: 04/04

Keeping true to my promise, I scored a 9 on the bio section on AAMC #3, so I changed my test date. When I went back and looked at my answers, I realized that I made four silly errors, so I should have had a 10- I got to stop making stupid mistakes, as I'm already on the edge of a barely acceptable score.

Changing the test date puts me back nearly 3 months, so it's going to cause issues with my SMP application. Now I need to decide if I'm going to apply now or wait until the score comes in. What would others do?

It's probably a good thing I postponed it, as I haven't done any studying because of the holidays. And I'm sure I won't get any done until after the new year- I have family in town and I'd much rather spend time with them instead of Berkeley Review. I will study this weekend while at work, but that's probably about it.

Time for SMP applications

Ugh. I hate applying to stuff. I even hate filling out those forms for a grocery store credit card- it's like when I was 12 and I'd send a cute boy a note with "I like you, do you like me? Check Yes or No." Just one day I'd like the note to come back with a Yes box checked. I've had enough rejection in my life, I hate to add to the pile.

But add I will, as I am beginning the applications to Specialized Master Programs. I have an upper and lower tier system, not unlike first and second stringers, and I certainly hope my first draft pick picks me. (Ok, enough with the sports metaphors.) I plan on applying to the second tier right after the new year, which is before I take the mcat; once scores are released in February, I will apply to the more competitive ones. I'm looking at mostly traditional programs, like Midwestern, Georgetown, Cincinnati, Robert Wood Johnson, Kirksville, etc. It doesn't matter whether its MD or DO, but (for now) I'm steering clear of relative unknowns, or starter programs, simply because I don't have time to try out a grad program. I want what's established, what works, what's been tested. I no longer have the luxury of making a mistake with a year of my life.

And speaking of the mcat, I will take my first full-length on Jan 3, or whatever day is after the day my extended family has returned home. I've decided that I'm giving myself two tests, and if I don't score at least 10 in all three sections on both, I will be postponing my exam until March. I don't want to do this again- I'll do it right this time, even if I have to wait two more months.

I spent about 5 hours yesterday studying gen chem and ochem, moving a little bit more forward. I plan on doing the same today, but with bio. (Fuck physics, that bitch can wait another day.)

The ED is like a casino

And no, I don't mean because you take your chances and roll the dice when you enter. (Or maybe you do, I don't know what the ED is like in your neck of the woods.) I mean that it's impossible to tell day from night, night from day, day from month, month from millenium, etc.

1) There are no windows. Anywhere.

Except the ambulance bay, and even that isn't as helpful as you'd think- it's essentially a huge open-ended garage, so barely any sunlight passes through it's garish concrete walls. The cherry on top is that you can't tell what the weather is doing either.

2) No clocks in patient rooms.

This is just a heaven-sent promise from the gods that no patient will ever be able to yell at you for being gone "just a minute" when in actuality 10 hours have passed.

3) Loads of bright lights, flashing gizmos, and loud sounds.

Too bad none of them promise payouts.

4) The stale smell of tobacco, alcohol, and depression.

And usually urine too.

5) People down on their luck, just hoping for a payoff- like drugs, food, or a warm bed.

We work in 12-hour shifts, so 6:00 isn't am or pm, it's just always "6 o'clock" in the ED. I forgot I was working days one time and immediately turned into a vampire when I inadvertantly walked into a sunbeam in the waiting room. I cringed, hissed, and cursed the inevitable lowering of my melatonin levels. Then I remembered I was supposed to be working during the daylight, not sleeping, so I got up and gave the old guy with the broken leg his bed back. (It's ok, he was cool about the whole thing. I gave him a sandwich.)

TPR Hyperlearning Book

Omg.

Manna from heaven.

This book has an insane amount of practice questions. There are over *400* physics questions alone. I'm actually disappointed I found this so late in the studying game. Kind of makes me want to postpone my exam just because I think this will push me at least a point higher in each category.

And that is something I am actually considering...

MCAT progress

I'm still here, still plugging away. I'm ashamed to say that I took a solid week (or two) off and just pretended like I was going to study. I couldn't muster up the strength to look at a book, much less read and (gasp) learn stuff.

So I'm cramming now. And I know it sounds weird to cram for something nearly 5 weeks away, but here I am. And I'm feeling like I can't concentrate, that anything I read falls out of a big hole in the back of my brain. I have trouble staying focused and I read the same sentence about 10 times sometimes.

To be honest, I feel like I'm at a solid 10 in each subject, perhaps 9 or 11 depending on the subject matter I would get. And that's not good enough. I want 11's. And the only way to get 11's is to learn more, study more, practice more. But I feel like there just isn't enough time. And I'm getting all panicky. Tonight I am up all night, and I've gotten through two TBR chapters' questions in about 3 hours- that includes going over the answers and learning more from those than from the material itself sometimes.

I am behind schedule, but I hope to be caught up at the beginning of the new year. I'm pushing myself harder than I have in the past few weeks, so that's something there, and I'm working up to pushing myself harder than I did for the first few weeks I was studying. I just feel like I've run out of time.



***Even though it seems out-of-place and just out of the blue, I have to express my incredible sadness at what happened in Connecticut today. I'll be honest, I cried when I heard. I don't personally know anyone affected and I don't want to imagine how searing the parents' pain is, but I do know how it feels to be a parent to an elementary-aged child, especially to one who was actually in school himself when it happened. My heart cries for those children and their families. I am so very sorry for their loss.

Actually, "organic" mechanics

Saw this on 9gag-

Will I?

That's the phrase I uttered a few times in my mind the very first time I saw a "surgery". (I say "surgery" because it was reeeeeally pushing the definition of that word- it was a melanoma excision on a shoulder.) Anyway, after the local anesthetic was administered, the scalpel was raised, and I secured an appropriate vantage point (my tippy-toes), the dermatologist turned to me and said, "You won't faint will you?"

I suddenly started mentally freaking out. Will I? I seriously had never thought about it before. What if I can't handle it? What if I get queasy? Will I faint? Will I puke? Will I answer this doctor's question before he starts snapping his fingers at me and snarking, "Hello?! McFly?!"

"Nah, I'll be okay" I said with a lot more gusto and falsetto than I intended. My voice may have quivered too, I can't remember. "Great, let's get started" the doctor replied, and turned back around to start cutting. And I started feeling my fear take over, my face flush, my heart rate increase, my palms simultaneously sweat and freeze up, and my apprehension of perhaps picking a totally incompatible profession that will tie me up for more than a decade and shove me so far down the throat of Debt that it'd just be easier to climb out the bottom, began to take over. I watched the first incision, noting the first few drops of blood appear at the edges. And...

Haha, no I'm just joking. It went totally fine. My panic immediately subsided and I looked like Lily instead of Barney. I was fascinated by the levels of skin, how to contain the bleeding, where to cut to realign the edges, and the double enclosure sutures. I fell in love. And when I saw a double above-the-knee amputation a few months later, the scrub nurse asked the same thing. I confidently said, "I'll be okay."

Damn straight. Now why don't you hand me that bovie and scoot over, Doc?

Professor Lazy strikes again

I swear, this instructor...

I've mentioned Prof Lazy before and boy, she didn't disappoint this quarter. Just like before, she copied all her tests from the internet or from instructor editions of the textbook (she even neglected to change the formatting or delete the friggin' answer on some of them- thanks for that small favor!). All her exams and homework are multiple choice too- I'm sure she thanks the inventor of Scan-tron in her evening meal blessings.

Needless to say, she barely lifts a finger when it comes to exams and assignments, and she's certainly not going to change her M.O. when it comes to actual instruction. No set notes, no syllabus beyond the list of chapters for the class, and no agenda for what pertinent ideals will be covered after she lists the topic of the chapter. And due to this incredible ineffectual instruction, she has to have an open-book policy when it comes to tests. At least this way everyone won't fail her class, leading to the wondering eye of the administration as to why her pass rate is lower than the Titanic. So she literally gives the class a pass, telling us we don't need to memorize much of anything because we'll be able to use the book.

And just as she's done before, she decides at the last minute that you can't use the textbook for the final, in spite of telling you all freaking quarter not to worry about memorizing anything. So a few days before the final, everyone gets to freak out trying to memorize an entire quarter over the weekend.

The exam covers everthing from "acid/bases to zwitterions"? No problem, I am omniscient about chemistry!

But you may be wondering why does she do this? After all, she's Professor Lazy, not Professor Cray-cray. And you're right- she's LAZY. She changed her mind because she said students were taking too long to take the test, since they had the ability to refer to the book and ensure they were getting the correct answer. Yes ladies and gents, she took away the book because she wanted to get home sooner. And the best way to do that? To ensure students would throw their hands up in the air, fail the exam in 5 minutes, and leave weeping, allowing her to return home to her Barcalounger.

I assume.

So if you're out there studying for the MCAT, partying with your peeps, or even simply doing something as fancy as getting a good night's rest, think of me memorizing 8 chapters of chemistry. I could use the good thoughts.

It all sounds like a 1950's dream come true.

 

My sleep is all messed up

I work overnight a few days a week and it's wreaking havoc with my sleep schedule. Even though I'm a med student in-training, I'm not quite ready to abandon sleep completely (although if I wanted the practice, I could be awake for 48 hours straight.)

Guess it's preparation for M1, right?

But more accurately, it's messing with my motherly guilt meter. I work overnight on the weekends, so when I come home, Jr is getting up for the day. And I'm heading to bed. It sucks. He keeps peeking into my room all morning waiting for me to get up, and even though I'm exhausted, my brain keeps awakening me, telling me to get up because Jr is up. How could I possibly be sleeping when I could be spending time with my family?! So after about 3 or 4 hours, I get up. And after two days of this, I'm exhausted all week, finally recovering when it's time to work again. Thanks to this problem I fall asleep at 3pm, or 11 am, or fully awake at 3am. Time has started to lose all meaning and I'm falling even further behind in studying because my brain is too tired, unfocused, and weak.

This is the only picture I could find where the student wasn't smiling ridiculously while sleeping. Seriously- WTF?

So I'm going through a readjustment period, looking for ways to square my sleep and my studying. Two months till the MCAT...

Overheard...

...at local Urban ER in the middle of the night, spoken by incredibly traumatized guy as he's indignantly walking out with tears in his eyes:

"Man, FUCK this place, I ain't never coming in here no more! I can't handle it! I need to go to a hospital that doesn't have THESE sick people!" while he points at a schizophrenic 300-lb woman who is screaming and flailing as she's coming in the door.

Dude. You're in an urban ED, in the middle of a major city on a friday night at 3am. What kind of sick people did you think would be here? Suburban moms with their afebrile toddlers with runny noses? And what was so important that you came to the ER in the middle of the night, but easily left when the atmosphere was too much for your delicate sensibilities?

Quick time travel

I just saw a girl dressed like Madonna from 1985. She had a short badly bleached pixie cut with an asymmetric mop of curls in the front, acid-washed black jeans with french cuffs on the bottom and matching jacket, canvas backpack with ten-thousand mini buttons, and a pair of black lace-up shoes that I swear to God I owned when I was 13.

I excitedly started looking around at everyone else to see if I'd been magically transported back to the 80's. Once I laid eyes on a young hip gentleman with his pants around his knees yelling into his cell phone about his bitch, I was sad. I was looking forward to reliving the music and club scene.

Back to gen chem.

ATTN TEENAGERS:

Don't street race.

Wear seatbelts.

Do these two simple things and save your family the grief of burying their children.

Verbal is stagnant

I just *can not* get better than 10 in verbal. I've read a bunch of comments by people who have the same problem- they want to know how to improve their original score because it never budges. It's almost as if once you learn how to approach these questions, you're kind of stuck, like you've reached your own personal optimal. I'm hoping that with continued work on learning the tricks, I'll get up to 11, or even a 12, but for now, I'm 10, sometimes going down to 9.

I got through two chapters yesterday, one in ochem and one in bio, and today I'm working on physics and gen chem. I have to work tonight, so here's hoping for it to be slow, but with at least two patients, because I need experience.

Reality isn't as I'd expected

I've been so busy these past few days, I haven't studied more than a few hours. I did 4 VR passages and finished reading ochem Ch 3.

It's distressing.

I was so convinced that when I was done with work, I would have all this free time to study, but in keeping with my nature, I over-scheduled that time with a new job, the gym, a research study, Jr's new activities, consulting work with my old job, and more. I will get one night and one weekend morning back starting next week when soccer is done, and I won't be scheduling any affiliate work as long as I can, so that will help a bit. Class is over in four weeks, but by then I'll be beyond stressed that I lost too much time.

I'm getting nervous and scared. I'm afraid of running out of time, focus, and the ability to do well.

Being scared isn't fruitful, so instead, I need to harness that fear and turn it into focus and energy.

Life is getting busy

I worked all day yesterday, went to the gym, had class at night, and once I got home 14 hours later, I was exhausted (there's a big difference between working 8 hours sitting vs. standing. who knew?!). I spent time with the family, and when I put Jr to bed, I went too, but I brought my books with me. I got through half of ch 3 in ochem until I was too tired to continue.

In other news, my new job is totally awesome- the people are fantastic, my boss is an unparalleled amazing mentor, and I couldn't be happier. I just need to remember that I won't have all the time in the world to study, and that working with doctors isn't the same as *being* one.

I should have most of today and tomorrow to focus. I need to stop worrying about catching up and just go from where I am. I started taking B12 and iron to help with my fatigue, and I think that going to the gym for over a month has helped too. The next thing I will do is include glucosamine and chondrotin to help my aching hips. In superficial news, my young co-workers said I didn't look my age. Even if they're liars, I'll take their emotional charity.

Common theme- always behind

Man, yesterday was just about a complete bust. Soccer went longer than expected, laundry took more time than I figured, Jr.'s outing with friends was further away than originally planned, etc. I'm ashamed to say I got through only one item on my Study To-Do list, gen gem ch 3 passages, so I decided to spend the rest of the evening catching up on House with the hubby.

 

So today I have 5 chapters to re-read, 1001 questions to do for each chapter, and the second third for all those chapters. There's no way to do all that today, seeing as I'm not The Flash, so I'll still be behind. I also have homework for my night class, so that's more time away for that too. And tomorrow is more orientation at New Job, soccer, and the gym.

I wonder what it feels like to not only be caught up, but ahead?

Why I have trouble studying at home

Jr. had a few friends over the other day, and when they were getting some snacks in the kitchen, I overheard that there was only one drink left in the flavor everyone wanted. The kids were pleading their cases to each other about why they should get the coveted drink, when the exchange started to get loud and heated. I heard my son yell over the bedlam, "Let's settle this like MEN!"

 

As I was rushing out of my chair, heading into the kitchen fully expecting the fists to come out, I heard all the kids chant, "Rock.. Paper... Scissors...!"

I had a hard time returning to full focus after that. Maybe I should have watched The Karate Kid with them instead.

Today is full of re-reading chapters, doing way more passages than time will permit, and fitting in soccer, shopping, laundry, and dropping of Jr. to another social engagement. As always, still behind, still doing mediocre.

I need a better accounting system

I didn't realize I forgot to do the second third of passages for Bio chapter 1 and Physics chapter 2. Whoopsie! I need to keep better track of what I've done and what's left to do.

I recently discovered that you should never dumb down your knowledge to your children:

Jr: "Mom, how is gasoline made?"

Me: "Well, oil is pumped out of the ground," *suddenly debating internally if I should go into oil drilling, refining, chemical changes, etc. I'll keep it simple, he's in grade school* "and then hocus-pocus, it's gas."

Jr: *raising one eyebrow and titling his head* "So... you don't know."

OChem takes a long time for me

I had hoped to get through both ochem and bio yesterday, but I cannot get through ochem that quickly. This second chapter was on structure and IR, NMR, etc- the former being pretty simple, the latter being much harder for me, since we did that pretty quickly at the end of the class I took. I did meh on the passages, so we'll see how the second third of questions go.

Today is ch 2 in bio, and then slog through the numerous passages. Ugh, I really dislike the bio passages since they ask questions about stuff I haven't reviewed yet, so I get low scores on the sections. I hope today is different.

Gen chem down, Ochem to go

1. Gen chem ch 2
2. Gen chem ch 2 1st third
3. Ochem ch 2
4. Ochem ch 2 1st third
5. Bio ch 2
6. Bio ch 2 1st third
7. Physics ch 3
8. Physics ch 3 1st third

I got a quarter of the list done- does that count for anything? (Not in MCAT-land it doesn't.) But to be fair to myself, I got a solid 12 on the first third of gen chem ch 2.

 

I made no stupid mistakes, but I did falter on two questions that, in retrospect, were super easy. That means I'm getting better on slowing down and reading everything instead of skimming and assuming. And I'll take a smile for that.

I hate being behind, but at least it's for a good reason

I am four days behind at this point, thanks to family weekend activities, unemployment activities, and signing-up-for-a-new-job activities.

Pretty much my response when I learned WHERE and WHEN and FOR WHO I would be working.

Yes, excitedly, I have landed a temporary part-time job- I'm still working in clinical research, but this job is ten-thousand fold better. It pays crap and there are no benefits, but I sincerely could not be happier at this point. I was feeling pretty awful when I was let go, and I really I couldn't put my finger on why that was- I didn't want to do it anymore, and I was so happy not to be there. I think it boiled down to simply not having a job anymore- I hated that feeling of not working. So even though I get paid way less than even unemployment, have to pay health insurance out of my pocket, and I work unknown hours, I couldn't be happier.

Anyway, settling all that means that I'm four days behind. I need to do all this by wed night to be back on schedule:

1. Gen chem ch 2
2. Gen chem ch 2 1st third
3. Ochem ch 2
4. Ochem ch 2 1st third
5. Bio ch 2
6. Bio ch 2 1st third
7. Physics ch 3
8. Physics ch 3 1st third

Sheesh. And tomorrow is Halloween. Guess I'll be up late and up early.

Moving in the right direction

Yesterday I finished all the second 1/3 of the passages for each first chapter in TBR (except bio. At midnight it all looked like hieroglyphics) and I'm definitely moving in the right direction. I'm really pleased because this is the same material, so it's sticking, and even better, I can find the info in the recesses of my mind and apply it.

Chapter One (1st 1/3)          Chapter One (2nd 1/3)

 

Physics (6)                           Physics (8)

Gen Chem (9)                      Gen Chem (11)

Ochem (8)                            Ochem (10)

Bio (9)                                 TBD

And if I hadn't made stupid mistakes (like literally writing "B" when I'm staring at "C" as the right answer), then my score in all of these would be a point higher. And physics is getting better- I got a 10 on the 1st third of chapter 2. I did pretty darn well on ochem and gen chem 1001 questions, an 11 on the EK ch 1 In-Class exam, and only about 50% right on physics. That information is just not clicking with me, and I'm not sure why. I'm having trouble applying equations, theory, and deciphering the subtle text on what the problem is asking for. I need more practice there.

I am faltering on verbal, getting a 9/10 on those. That's what I got on both the tests back in the day, so I'm not making progress there. I do those right when I wake up, so maybe my brain hasn't kicked into gear yet.

This weekend is jam-packed with family activities, so I hope to finish bio, read ch 2 in gen chem, and do those 1st third. Tomorrow is supposed to be ochem ch 2 and the 1st third. Monday will be a wash, as I've got affiliate work, mandatory unemployment seminar, the gym, Jr's soccer, and THEN I can start studying.

I sincerely hope I don't run out of time before I can accomplish all I want to.

Progress on physics, reading, etc.

Maybe I'm really horrible at linear motion, as I did just fine on physics chapter two in TBR. Go figure. Curiously, I actually enjoyed this chapter and learned a lot from it. I read EK physics ch 2 also, just for more info, and it was incredibly sparse, yet the problems tested the same material as TBR.

I've re-read all the chapters I've read so far (ch 1 in all topics), and have done most of the first third of the passages. This week has been kind of a bust in regular studying, as I'm tying up loose ends before my health insurance goes bye-bye. (I had a bitter farewell to my coverage when I visited my doctor this week- everyone kept commenting on how much it will suck to lose such great insurance, as if I didn't already know.)

This weekend Jr is having a few friends stay over because apparently I don't have enough stress in my life. I hope they will entertain themselves and I can get more studying done. I should be only slightly behind by tomorrow, and hopefully no more daily interruptions, so I can be on track instead of continuously behind.

Where I'm at in scoring- about a solid 10 in each subject (okay, a 9 sometimes in phys), getting 11s and the occassionally 12 in bio.

Physics

...will kill me on this test, I swear. I have read TBR and EK chapters 1 and 2, and still cannot get more than half the problems right. On EK I make simple mistakes or don't think it through enough. Rarely I truly didn't know the answer, which is the opposite on TBR passages. I barely know these, even after reading the solutions. It's really tough and it's kicking my ass.



Truer words have yet to be spoken.

Maybe I'm missing a gene for physics? I'm physics-deficient? I'm low on physic-assium? I am doing acceptable on every other topic except physics. And I'm a pretty logical person, so I'm truly at a loss as to why this is happening, why I am so clueless, why I cannot bridge the gap between theory and practice.

MCAT Day... what day is it?

Discipline, the ability to say no, and focus. Guess what I need way, WAY more of? (If you guessed money, you are also correct.)

It's difficult to study with a family. If you are headed to medical school and are childless, single, and out of debt, count your very, extremely lucky stars. For example, Halloween is on the horizon, so that means decorating inside and out, baking, shopping for a costume, candy, and more decorations, pumpkin carving, finding the carving supplies, cleaning up from carving, locating candles, school functions, volunteering at said functions, the list goes on. I spent nearly the entire weekend doing family stuff- stuff I wouldn't trade the world for, stuff that made my son incredibly happy, my family happy, and my heart happy.

But it made my studying sad.

And now I'm stressing out because I don't want to stop doing those things, yet I have to make time for studying. My worst habit is to think "I'll have time tomorrow", because that thought will never have an end- there is always a tomorrow to pile stuff onto.

MCAT Day 5

I've been going to the library for my studying, but I realized that I'm wasting too much time and non-existent gas money (the awesome library is 30 minutes away).

Awesome library pictured may not be representative of all awesome libraries.

So I'm trying out studying at home, or going to the nearby library with it's glorious and varied homeless population with the convenient and library-adjacent sidewalk residence. I have a feeling I'll be tweaking the studying details until I find what works best. That'll come in handy once it comes time to study for realz in med school- then I'll know what works for me already instead of discovering it for the first 2 months.

Yesterday was much better with the timing. I had 2.5 hours to read the ochem chapter, and with a timer, I got through it. Of course I didn't take detailed notes like I wanted, so I need to incorporate that. I put little post-it note flags on the pages I wanted to review, which I did this morning at 7am. Ugh, yes, I got up an hour earlier to go through my notes.

Haha, no I didn't, I just planned to. I did get up early, but I used that time to catch up on reading blogs, watching the news, and generally waking up, until Mechanic Jr also figured it'd be nice to get up early and sit with mom. Which I think was awesome. :-)

After dropping off Jr. at school, I was all set to get started until I received an email telling me that I needed my SS card for my new job. I just spent two hours scouring the house with nary a glimpse of it. Great. Two hours wasted and now I need to make a trip to the local SS office (and quiet this worrying in the back of mind as to where it could be- I rarely lose things of importance. I even have my very first driver's license.) Guess it'll be a late friday night- I'll just pretend the dark dining room is a club.

So today's To Do list includes:

• Take notes for a note sheet from OChem ch 1 (1 hour)
• Do 1st third of passages from OChem ch 1 (30 min)
• Review Gen Chem ch 1 1st third (30 min)
• Review prior verbal passages (30 min)
• Do 2 verbal passages (30 min)
• Lunch! Whoo-hoo!
• Read EK Bio ch 1 (2.5 hours)
• 1st third of TBR Bio passages (30 min)

And that will take me through 1.5 days of studying. I'd like to get caught up on my imposed schedule.

MCAT Day 4

I originally started out studying with the plan that I wouldn't time myself, that I'd learn the material first, then worry about timing. Both times I took the test before I didn't have probems with timing, so I don't anticipate a problem now.

But I think my goal of not only learning all I can, but mastering it too is causing me to fall severely behind. I only got through physics yesterday, not gen chem too. I'm going to have to incorporate some time limits, otherwise I'll still be studying physics three weeks after the exam is over.

I did get through all the phyiscs problems and the In-Class exam, but I did poorly, getting only about half right. I studied every nuance, every formula, every idea, and yet I still only got about half the problems right? Sheesh, I know phyiscs is my weak subject, but hell, that's awful! In looking at the answer key, they too test you on concepts they haven't introduced, like the 30-60-90 triangle. That's when I started getting really annoyed. I don't know about everyone else, but last time I took geometry I was in 10th grade. My physics teacher never used this triangle, so I was sorely lost on those questions. And I'm okay with not knowing stuff- hell, what I don't know would fill two stadiums and one ocean. But to create a quiz specifically with stuff never once mentioned in the aforementioned teaching chapter? That just sucks balls.

I have a test today for my class, so I'll be spending a few hours preparing for that instead of reviewing gen chem and doing verbal passages. I'm also going to be starting a part-time job soon, so even less time for studying. And when I get home at 8pm each night, the very last thing my family wants me to do is put my nose in a book instead of pointing it at them and you know, acting like a wife and mother.

I hate getting up early. :::grumble grumble::: the sacrifices I'm going to have to make :::grumble grumble:::.  Maybe I can eliminate eating, seeing as I hate doing that anyway since we're broke...

MCAT day 3

Yesterday:
Re-read most of TBR gen chem ch 1
Re-examined most of the chapter problems
Check!

Today:
Read EK physics ch 1
Read EK gen chem ch 1
Do every third 1001 problem in both phys and gen chem ch 1
Two verbal passages

I'm getting a bit annoyed at myself for my physics troubles, as TBR and both EK questions are tripping me up. I didn't recognize the 3-4-5 triangle, I didn't know this formula, or that geometric shortcut, etc. I'm not sure if its because my physics teacher (who I had for all three quarters) was inept in teaching, if we didn't learn what is being tested on the MCAT, or if I'm an idiot. It's probably all three, leaning towards the third one.

So I'm going a bit remedial today and kracking my Examkrackers books. Hell, if that doesn't work, I'll really go elementary and hit up Kaplan. I had a 7 in the PS section both times I took the test, it damn well better be a 10 this time.

Registration headaches

I totally forgot today was the first day of registration for the MCAT. Thankfully I logged onto SDN and saw all these threads about people waiting an eternity to register, so I joined them in both patience and panic. Interestingly, the last two times I took the test, I just simply logged in, registered, cried while entering my credit card number, and then proceeded to forget about the MCAT until about 2 weeks prior.

I wound up waiting about an hour, with both my computer and phone trying to log in. I was kicked off the phone twice, three times on the computer, to include getting to log in once and then getting kicked off. It was annoying. (What kind of IT people are working at AAMC? Shouldn't they be prepared for an onslaught of users since they only open up ONE registration time for a whole glut of test dates?)

But I am finally registered for the January 26 test, and besides being sick from paying out $270 of my unemployment money, I am not fully nervous yet. Guess that's what happens when you've done this twice before.

Now that I've lost most of the day to my ex-job, a research study, commuting, doing homework for my class, and being unfocused while waiting to register, I have nearly no time to study for that very expensive test. Sheesh.

MCAT Day 1 (again.)

I (re)read TBR physics chapter one, made a nice note sheet, understood all theories, aced all the chapter problems, and was feeling good until I proceeded to miss nearly every single question in passages 1, 4, and 7. (I didn't even attempt 10, as I was beyond frustrated at that point.)

The problem lies in the fact that TBR gives a chapter of translational motion review, but gives problems including rotational motion theory, kinetic/potential energy, etc. I've decided to focus on EK physics for now, and round back on TBR physics when I've gotten through EK. Either that, or I'll find the nearest clock tower and take up residence with Quasimodo.

I'm pretty sure I'm the one on the right. Hopefully.

I did 3 verbal passages, doing pretty well on those. Estimating my score, I would have had a 10-11 on the section; that's what I had before- should I be happy I didn't regress, or upset I didn't improve?

Tomorrow will be TBR gen chem ch 1, tying up loose ends at my ex-job, trying to get into a research study for some moolah, and attending class. Oh and the Jim too. I need to fit in the gen chem passages tomorrow as well, so maybe I should get used to late nights again.

Or maybe not.

MCAT Schedule

So I was following the 4-month schedule, and now I'm going off the 3-month one. I had too many things going on at once in the past couple weeks, so I couldn't concentrate. Leaving a career is a lot more complicated than quitting a job- I still have to secure health insurance at the end of the month, get a new life insurance plan, a new bank account if my unemployment direct deposit doesn't qualify in keeping my free account, get all doctors appointments scheduled before losing Premium Health Insurance, etc. I also had family unexpectedly in town for a week, so the 3-month plan it is.

It's starting next thursday, but I will be reading ahead of time.

Which is better?

I was having a conversation with a friend of mine about our futures. Her career path was quite a bit different than mine, in that she was given a job in college as an undergrad, and then stayed on when she graduated. She was literally passed from that position into another one, like a baseball player being traded, and that's the same position she's been in ever since (not even a single promotion in over a decade. Pay attention kiddies- it's a good thing to climb the ladder and push yourself. The plan on complacency fails miserably when you're let go.) Needless to say, she's having a mid-life crisis about "what she wants to be when she grows up" now that she's unemployed. After discussing how I discovered that medicine was my goal, she said, "well you've got it easy- at least you know what you want to do with your life."

Now, she knows all about my goal of med school (I try to not refer to it as a dream- that's intangible and imaginary) and she's very familiar with the effort I've put out. So I was pretty surprised she thought that the "hard" part was over- finding out what I wanted to do.

This isn't a straight line that goes from "Deciding career - Working to career - Achieving career". I've spent just about five years since deciding to go back to school, full of countless hours of taking classes, volunteering, studying, and applying to schools, complete with the dizzying highs and crushing lows in between (once I cried for a day straight with my last rejection on my first application cycle). I even added up the money once- not even counting my original degrees, I've spent close to 10 grand achieving this goal, and I'm not accepted yet. Yet, apparently the hard part is over for me- I made a decision!

Why do I find this so irritating? Because I feel like it's belittling the hard work that actually goes into achieving a goal. She's never had to work for something- it's been handed to her, and here she is, telling me the difficult part is picking a career, and its all downhill from here.

I know that for some people, discovering what they want to do with their life is difficult- maybe they love math but hate school, love teaching but hate the administrative red tape, or love stripping but hate attention, I don't know. But don't act like once you know what you want, that it's just given to you, or *poof* you get it like a wish. I guess that's the problem with handing your kids everything- they value nothing.

MCAT center testing breaks

Either due to scheduling or my insane love of routine, I happened to take the MCAT twice on the same day, a year apart (when I was scheduling my second test I figured it was ok the first time, so why not?) This year I'll be taking it in January, the first test without the writing portion, and the first test with the optional new section. Is that a good thing? To be the guinea pig test?

Anyway, waiting for the test dates to be announced, I got to thinking about the last time I took it and how I probably scarred a poor 16 year old girl for life. You get 10 minute breaks in between your sections where you can go to the bathroom, get a snack, cry in the hallway, etc. 10 minutes may sound like a long time, but it really isn't. What they don't tell you is that you are treated like a prisoner each time you enter AND leave the room- you're fingerprinted and your ID is scrutinized like you're a Hispanic in Maricopa county. Once you finish a section on the computer, the clock starts ticking. When you leave the testing room, you have to use this time to exchange any scratch paper, pencils, headphones, earphones, megaphones, etc, and you have to get fingerprinted.

10 min: Sweet, time to go to the bathroom. :::get in back of line of other people waiting to leave.:::

9 min: Finally, my turn. Hi, can I get a new pencil and booklet when I return to go back in? Oh, you need the old ones? Let me go back...

7.5 min: Pencil, booklet, and ID, here you go. And fingerprint. Why is it taking so long to read? It's a dang fingerprint, not the Magna Carta! Done, off to the bathroom.

7 min: Which has a CLOSED sign on it. Someone is cleaning it right now? And it's a single bathroom? Really?? Hi, I was hoping to use the restroom during our 10 minute break... Oh, you're almost finished? Great. Ok, I'll grab a quick bite to eat.

5 min: Now I have heartburn from eating a Kashi bar and Mountain Dew in 90 seconds. And the damn bathroom is still closed?! Hi there, sorry to be a pest, but I only have 5 minutes left, can I get in there? Just a minute? Ok... I'll wait one minute...

4 min: :::poking head into restroom::: Um, excuse me, I have to get back to the test- can you let me use the bathroom real quick? Really? No? You have to clean the sink first? Well since I have three and half minutes left, I'm just going to pee while you clean the sink over there. :::starts unzipping jeans while employee runs out horrified, nearly knocking over her bucket:::

2 min: :::get back in line to get back in::: Why do all these people wait until the last minute to return?! Why doesn't the digital fingerprinter work right? Who is in charge here?! Heads should roll for this!! ARRRGGGGGH!

20 seconds remaining: Ok, headphones on, pencils, paper, thinking about biology and ochem, biology and ochem, biology and ochem... What?! It started already?! I thought I had 10 more seconds! AGGHHH!!

Thankfully, every other break went much smoother. I had a whole 5 minutes to relax on those breaks.

To the nasty guy on the treadmill next to me-

Even though those loud headphones make you feel like you're in your own little world, we can still smell your farts. Knock it off.

'Friends' related to life

Does anyone remember that episode of Friends where Rachel is trying to share her good news of being made Assistant Buyer and everyone else also has awesome news, so her good news kind of falls through the cracks?

Now imagine that same scenario, except that everyone else actually has really shitty news while you alone have good news. It sucks- I felt like an ass feeling happy for myself while everyone else was having problems. There are lots of headaches and troubles for Mr. Mechanic, my best friend just got dumped out of the blue, and Mechanic Jr. lost his favorite coat (isn't it funny what constitutes a crisis depending on the age?!)

Me and the Mr. are in desperate need of some good fortune.

MCAT study materials review

Just for reference, here are the acronyms I use for different study materials:

• EK = Exam Krackers
• TBR = The Berkeley Review
• TPR = The Princeton Review
• 1001 = The EK series of '1001 Questions' books

I also have all the Kaplan books, as I took Kaplan many moons ago.

So which ones do I like? Well, that depends on your skill level. This is how I'd rank them according to 'explanation vs. your knowledge' of the subject:

Kaplan << TPR <= EK <<<<<<<< TBR

still in college-------------------------------------master of material





When I was studying for the test the first time, I had graduated college 10 years prior. And I didn't even have the full year of physics- I was a quarter short. In fact, the last time I had taken a physics class was 12 years prior to opening any review book. Needless to say, all the material was Greek to me. (Or was it latin? I forget my dead languages.)

So Kaplan worked very well for me for my first go-through. I think it goes more slowly and more elementary than the other books I've used. But I think because it is so basic, it doesn't really lend itself to a score higher than 11 or so. It also doesn't have a lot of in-book passages, just basic questions. The online questions are also discreets*, so you don't get a lot of "MCAT" practice, just practice of your knowledge. If you did fairly poorly in your undergrad science classes, and/or didn't learn the material, start here.

*Discreets are questions on the MCAT that aren't associated with a passage- there are about a third of these, compared to two-thirds of the passage problems. Hell, maybe there's even only a quarter of these, hence the need for *passage* practice.

But if you're one of the lucky ones who actually did study and learn the sciences (*cough gunner cough*) then I'd suggest either TPR or EK. These assume you know a lot of the basic principles behind the science, and it builds on top of the knowledge without explaining it. For example, I was reading about aromaticity this weekend and wanted more review, so I had to go back to my textbook since it wasn't explained in depth. EK has lots of discreet practice problems (1001 to be exact) as well as mini practice MCAT exams at the end of each chapter. I haven't taken the online TPR class, so I can't comment on their online material, but I like their books.

Finally, if you're sitting pretty with a strong grasp of the material, spend most of your of time on TBR. These books are *hard*. I got all As in my physics classes, but nearly bombed the first chapter's problems. These books will definitely ensure you understand the material, and these give you tons of true-to-life MCAT passage examples. I plan on spending at least half my time with these books. They also sell online practice MCATs- I may be getting some of those as well.

Finally, don't blow off the verbal section. EK has the best practice for these, 101 Verbal Passages. This section apparently is pretty important to schools, so learn the tricks for reading the passages and how to parse down the correct answer. It isn't just reading and picking out the right answer- the MCAT questions are way more irritating.

Bottom line, you need to chose a set of review books that is at your level- if you are shaky in the material, TBR will make you feel like an idiot and you'll quit (not that I'm speaking from experience or anything. ahem.) If you are a PhD in electrical engineering, Kaplan will give you a false sense of security (and probably a god-complex too.) All of these can be expensive, but they'll be worth it. Just don't go borrow the 2008 version of Barron's at the library- you'll be sorely disappointed with your score.

MCAT update

I'm going to try and update more frequently now that I am getting more chunks of time to study.

This weekend I managed to get through EK ch1 in both bio and ochem, doing all the problems in the chapter, plus the bio In-Class exam for the chapter. I also did a huge number of the 1001 questions for ochem, but not for bio. Why not bio you ask? For some reason, my bio 1001 book does not seem to follow the material in the chapter (in spite of it having the same chapter title), so after doing two passages, I was tired of feeling like a failure because I didn't know something that would be presented in a later chapter. So I've decided to keep the 1001 bio passages until after I've completed the whole book.

I did pretty fantastic on the ch1 bio test (would've been a 12 if that's all the BS section tested- just ch.1 of bio- wouldn't that be awesome?!) and okay on the ochem (a 10). It was easy to study on saturday night because Mechanic Jr was off at a sleepover. Sunday was another story- let's just say it was much, MUCH slower.

Today I am reading TBR ch 1 ochem while I ride the bike, making sure that the info is sticking.

I have another week of work left, so my day-long studying won't begin until at least wednesday next week, so I'm trying to keep up little bits of reading and testing here and there. I still have actual schoolwork to do for my night chem class, so I'm pretty full up on "things to do" until I'm free from my job.

But after scoring a 9 on the BS section (twice!) I'm very, very pleased at my retention at this point.

Onward and forward.

Good news

... is awesome. I think some may be coming my way, but I'm not ready to say much yet. :::big grin:::

One more week of work left, then it's time to shove off and charter new waters. Well, as new as old stuff can be- it's MCAT studying with gusto, class, and family life, without the distraction and time commitment of work.

I can't wait. :-)

Tonight Mechanic Jr. has his Meet-n-Greet with the teachers and an opportunity to learn the new math curriculum that they will be learning. I feel guilty because I won't be going- I have class. So while I'm learning about chemistry, my son will be going to open house with his dad, eating yummy ice cream and showing off his recent work. That's one of the very real pitfalls of being a mom and a student- you have to make choices between school and family sometimes. Thankfully since Mechanic Jr. is looping (going from one grade to the next with the same teacher), I already know her and her curriculum, so this was an okay decision for me and my son. But I'm sure that there will be extremely tough ones in the future, particularly when it comes to holidays.

It makes me incredibly grateful that I have a supportive (and flexible) husband, and even extended family nearby. When I think of the friends I've met along the way, the ones who drop out and don't pursue their dreams of med school are those with unsupportive spouses and families. You just have to have the people closest to you be supportive. You just do. If they aren't, well, you have a very, very rough road ahead of you.

Memories

(I'm well versed in HIPAA, so any stories about patients happened a long time ago in the land of Narnia. Meaning I probably made them up.)

I used to volunteer in a community clinic where most of our patients spoke Spanish. Over time I learned enough Spanish to get by, particularly the phrase, "Necesita un traductor?" Learning this question arose from necessity, as when I would ask, "Do you need a translator", I was met with two answers: 'no', or a sweet smile and shrugging shoulders. One time I asked a patient this question, and he smiled, shrugged, and answered, "I don't know."

I would say that's a yes.

MCAT studying summary

Up to this point I have read chapter one in the TBR physics, gen chem, and (nearly finished) ochem. I have done 12 verbal passages, doing fairly well in all of them, and bombed the passages in physics. I did okay in the gen chem passages, and haven't started yet on the ochem passages.

I think it's weird that I did so poorly on the physics section, as I did really well in my physics classes, and none of the material in the chapter was unfamiliar. But then physics has always been my weak spot, so more studying will need to be focused here.

Since I don't have large chunks of time to set aside for studying for another two weeks, I am doing problems in the 1001 books in the relevant sections. I have done pretty darn well on these problems, so I'm even more stumped on my poor physics performance.

According to the SN2ed 4-month schedule, I am technically ahead of schedule. But I need to tie up some loose ends, having not completed all of the relevant passages yet. Last night I kept my promise to myself and did more physics passages.

Haha, no I didn't. I was too wrapped up in the Seahawks/Packers debacle. I'll give it the old college try again this evening.

Senioritis and the MCAT

I will be leaving my job soon and will be able to begin studying for the MCAT like normal crazy person. My last day is in a couple weeks, at which point I can begin my new daily schedule. I've tried studying recently and it just isn't working. I keep telling myself, "I'll begin tomorrow. Or the day after that. Or in November." I initially thought the diagnosis was Procrastination, but as time goes by, it's more apparent it's Senioritis.

I feel like I can't mentally move onto my "new life" (of being unemployed and able to study ad nauseum) until the "old life" is dead and buried. Unfortunately, I should be starting the MCAT schedule today with The Berkeley Review, specifically in physics. Gotta get moving!

Today I will attempt to do some problems from TBR, physics chapter one.

Scratch that-

Today I will attempt to do some problems from TBR, physics chapter one.

Working out... is my social phobia

So I'm a big fraidy cat of some things- bees, open bodies of water, really tall bridges, etc. But I'm also afraid of something weird...

Jims.

No wait, I mean gyms. Yes, I'm very weird and am massively intimidated by gyms. I was very athletic in softball from toddlerhood to adulthood, but I was never a gym rat. Working out in a gym petrifies me- I don't know the routines, the written rules, the unwritten rules, the expectations, the cultural norms, the language, etc. I joined a gym as a normal person at the normal age of 22 and tried working out, but I just wound up loving the idea of going to gym instead of making it a reality. Fast forward more than a decade and my body is lumpier, less pliable, and hell, I'll say it, just plain ugly. I also have a horribly embarrassing condition where my face turns bright red at the simplest exertion. (I had an aerobics teacher pull me aside one day and ask if she should call 911, or if I wanted to try the remedial class.) Needless to say, I'm scared of gyms.

Why does this matter? Because I decided to face my fear head on- I enrolled in a PE class at school. I had no idea schools even offered PE, so I was super stoked to relive my childhood (trampolines, here I come!) You get an actual grade and credit for working out, plus free personal training, so why the hell wouldn't I sign up?

Oh yeah, my fear.

Just mustering up the courage to attend the orientation felt like I was trying to talk myself into jumping off the Sears Tower without a bungee cord. But I showed up, complete with other students in the class- athletic young girls, thin 18-year old girls, muscular guys, and even svelte ultra-fabulous guys.

I felt really, really out of place. One of the girls was reading the exercise waiver they give you and she snorted, "Are you 65 or over? Pfft, who would be in here?!" I slunk down a bit with each peal of their laughter. Granted I'm not 65 (or near it) but its stuff like that that makes me feel self-conscious. I couldn't help but take glances at myself in the wall-o-mirrors, and I picked out every single flaw in my appearance. The instuctional video detailing the ins and outs of the class was kind enough to include a not-20-year-old student also exercising (lookie- old people can do it too!) but she was using the rehab machines they make people with brittle bones and head injuries use. Bleh.

But I need any credit I can get, and easy A's are at the top of the list. My next baby step goal in this class is to sign up for personal training so I can learn how to use the weight machines. I don't want to wind up in the painter's scaffolding thinking I'm blasting my quads.

 

Choosing Wisely

After listening to the teacher ramble on this evening about the most elementary of chemistry topics (did you know that atoms are made of three components?!) I was thinking of the rest of my past professors. Pretty much all of them were truly great, and one was mind-blowingly awesome- actually taught me how to understand and *really like* organic chemistry. But the reason I have few horror stories about professors is because I pick my classes by their online reviews.

Case in point- I was doing some last-minute registration for biology classes and I didn't think to read the reviews before registering. As a pre-med, loving biology is part of my DNA, so I wasn't too worried about getting a poor biology teacher. Big mistake.

On the first day of class this professor talked about nothing except... himself. "Me, me, mee.... and I've done this... and that... I'm the best teacher you've ever had... memememememe... no one teaches better than me... meeee, meeeeeeeee, MMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!" He would launch into personal stories at the drop of a hat, telling us how he met Lance Armstrong, owned a luxury home in the mountains, and again, how lucky all of us were to be basking in the presence of him, an actual demi-god of higher education.

At the end of class I tried to talk to him about the rigors of the class, to see if I would be over-extending myself that quarter. I was planning on asking about tests, homeworks, the final, and practicals. I say planned on asking because I never had a chance to get a word in edgewise. I started the conversation with, "Can you explain the schedule for the tests?" and yet when it left my mouth it must have sounded like, "Can you explain again and again why you're such an awesome teacher? I need more validation and examples, please." Somewhere between listening to how the dean of the college was a fool for not making him head of the department after two years of teaching and how he created the best non-credit program in the history of the school, I decided I could not take this tool's class. I dropped it while walking to my car.

I checked the online reviews later that evening, and found one low review after another about how he talks constantly about himself, flirts with the young girls (!) and fails to cover all the material required. Considering his class was physiology and biochem, I kind of think that's important to know.

 

First night of class

Class is back in session.

Yay.

This teacher is exactly as I remember her- convincing you that this class will be a cake-walk, no pressure, you'll love it, etc, but it's all a rouse to disarm you. The first test is like crossing the street- you'll expect to dodge cars, probably a quick motorcycle here and there, but when you step up to the light, *BAM*. Nothing but semi's. Pulling boats. Being driven by drunk 4 year olds. ("Since when do we need to know derivatives to balance equations?!")

This is the first night class I've taken where the class has a pretty high ratio of youngin's to the gomers. And of course it wouldn't be complete without the incompetent douchebag know-it-all ("Uh, the third orbital shell does NOT have a 'd' orbital", sitting back, crossing his arms waiting for praise, and being surprised by the incredulous looks) and the starry-eyed pre-meds listening to the prom king about his med school application status.

Thankfully I've moved beyond that crap. (But if you're really interested, he's taking a quarter of easiness while waiting to be admitted. Slacker.)

MCAT Studying Week 1

...did not quite go as planned. Neither did week 2. I'm about 3 days into my 2 weeks of studying. But I'm doing well on those few days I did get in. I got through the first chapters of physics and gen chem, and did about 20 verbal passages. I didn't do so hot on the physics questions, but I did okay on the gen chem. I'd really like to improve massively on both, but I'm not discouraged or depressed about where my knowledge and ability lies. It's a little hard to focus on studying when you're trying to come to grips with being broke.

My class starts this week, so now I'll be juggling school, mcat, and work for at least three full weeks. Here's hoping I can get as much done as I need to.

Needed motivators

I'm not an endless sea of good tidings and positive thinking- sometimes I too lustfully wish to smash my car into the idiot in front of me who lacks the sense to move over from the fast lane whilst traveling at 10 miles below the speed limit. Or to brain the inconsiderate jerk without the common decency to utter a mere two words of appreciation when I remain holding a door so he may pass. So in order to keep my blood pressure awesome and my criminal record clean, I like reading Confucius quotes:

1. It does not matter how slowly you go so long as you do not stop.
2. Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in getting up every time we do.
3. All good things are difficult to achieve and bad things are very easy to get.
4. The will to win, the desire to succeed, the urge to reach your full potential... these are the keys that will unlock the door to personal excellence.

And my favorite:

 

 

This tidbit is proving handy while studying for the MCAT. I reinforce the knowledge of my ignorance every day.

Dreaded Prof I've seen before

I'm taking a gen chem class this quarter with a teacher I am not a fan of. I had this professor for o-chem, and while I wouldn't say she was the worst teacher I've ever had, I will say every single other teacher I've had was better than her. Every. single. one. I've only written one negative review for those in-class evaluations and it was bestowed upon this teacher, Professor Lazy.

Our homework is online and the exams are written by the interwebz. No office hours, no emails answered, and she's never available before or after class. Lab times are a joke, because she reads the lab to us (are we in kindergarten?) and then leaves. To make it worse, her teaching style is non-existent- she "teaches" by asking questions. How is that helpful?

Prof Lazy: This here is a double bond. Do you think it is stronger or weaker than single bonds?
*crickets*
Prof Lazy: What do you think?
*low murmuring of indecipherable words*
Prof Lazy: Hmm?
Class: mumbling of both yes and no
Prof Lazy: Yes, that's right. Now this here is a triple bond- is it stronger...

What? What's right? No one said anything! They just mumbled "yes" and "no"! Which is the right answer? And why is it stronger? The bloody hell!

If anyone else was teaching this class, I would have taken it with them, even if their degree was in Speech Communications. But no, I'm limited to Prof Lazy and her insane exams. You see, the hazard with not writing your own tests is that the exam you find on the internet may or may not include material you have actually "lectured" on. Thankfully this isn't a problem for Prof Lazy, for she just figures we should know that information empirically. At least the test is open book and notes. Thank God for small favors.

Losing a piece of me

I'm slowly coming to grips with losing the piece of my identity which was my career. It was much more than a job- it was my life. I graduated college, picked one wonderful company, and established myself as a successful scientist. I certainly have marketable skills and (hopefully) can land another job soon. (But I find myself grappling with the idea of whether or not I want to, what with this teeny tiny goal of becoming a doctor and all.)

The only time I have been unemployed since I was 12 was for two weeks after moving to a new state for college. I feel a bit lost here. I hope to be starting a SMP next summer, in about 9 to 11 months- should I just find a part-time job that has benefits and I can swap the FT work and PT schooling to PT work and FT schooling? Or should I remain in the mindset that I MUST work FT in order to be "successful"? (But most importantly, can I not call myself a scientist if I'm not paid or employed?)

And that in-lies my problem. I liked "doing it all". It was really hard but I enjoyed the challenge. I liked having that much responsibility on my shoulders. It made me feel alive. Others may enjoy sky-diving, fire-walking, or mob-killings as adventure sports, but I liked being over-scheduled and over-extended. It gave me pride. (Hence the only reason I am totally perfect for med school.)

I have applied to over a dozen jobs, ranging the gamut from temporary part-time to full-time with expected overtime. In other words, I threw everything at the kitchen wall to see what sticks. I hope I get at least one or two interviews and an offer. But a large of chunk of me wants to see what it's like to be just a student again, living off loans and credit cards (and retirement savings too- I am a bonafide adult, ya know), and seeing where this year takes me. (Hopefully it just won't take me to the poorhouse.)

9/11

I think everyone remembers where they were when 9/11 happened. I was awoken by my mom with a phone call telling me to watch the news. I watched the second tower fall live. I had no idea that there were people in that tower at first- I just turned on the news and had assumed the building had been evacuated. I was paralyzed with cold when I realized I had witnessed people die in an act of terrorism on US soil.

When I arrived to work I felt weird just carrying on with my day as if nothing happened. Lots of other people were on autopilot- wrapped in their research, most likely trying to keep a normal day in the most abnormal of days. But on the surface it seemed they didn't care. In my limited life experience (I had only graduated college a few years prior) they seemed cold. But how do you "properly" grieve people you don't know and can't physically help?

I'm not from NYC, nor do I know anyone from the area. But I felt a loss, as these were fellow Americans. My brother-in-law is a pilot and I immediately thought of him. I felt like I was in a stupor for days, worrying if there would be an attack in my town (I lived in a major city that was put on high alert). I remember my best friend telling me life would never be the same again. He was right.

Benefits of losing your job in a month

• No one really expects anything of you anymore.
• You aren't required to go to meetings.
• If you don't show up, what are they going to do about it?
• Those who weren't laid off tiptoe around you.
• Screw company policy- I'm wearing flip flops and jeans.
• You don't have to listen to your co-worker's loud, annoying text notification (that they never, ever feel the need to turn down, regardless if the traffic cop down the street can hear it too.)
• You don't have to listen to their loud phone conversations either.
• Hours and hours of Hulu, Pinterest, and TelevisionWithoutPity.
• Time to plan your future the way you like it.

I hope that this happening is a good thing, otherwise I may get bitter and start drinking like Marge. At least my heart will be happy for the phytochemicals.

"I know doctors say you should drink a glass and a half, but I can’t drink that much."

Which one are you?

 

Contrary to popular belief, I'm quite certain I am neither the Part time Student Full time Mom, nor the Back to School Granny.

 

Embarrassingly, I am The Curve Wrecker. I have personally experienced every one of these except Emo, Van Wilder, and Picasso (but then I'm not taking many Art or General Studies classes either.) My last lab mate was a combo of Little Miss Potato Chip and Bumble Bee. She was sheer joy.

Particular to certain writing utensils

I think every serious student has a pen/pencil that they love. And being a science student, you usually need various colors to accurately take notes. But you need something eraseable otherwise your notes are full of scribbles and crossed-out crap (or at least mine are.) I've tried colored pens, colored pencils, crayons, markers, Magic Markers, blood of a virgin, etc, but nothing compares to an actual mechanical pencil. Unfortunately, there are no reliable mechanical colored leads. Sure you can buy Pentel leads in blue and red, but they are so fragile that you can't take notes. They break after every letter.

Me: O-r-g-
Pencil: *snap*
Me: Dang it! *click click* a-n-i-
Pencil: *snap*
Me: For God's sake! *click click* c-M-
Pencil: *snap*
Me: F...!

I wished for eraseable colored fine pencils, or even better, eraseable colored fine pens. In the early 80's PaperMate came out with the first-generation eraseable pens called EraserMate. I was so excited to try them but after using them once, I was more disappointed than the day I realized that Mel Gibson was a racist. They had these concrete gray erasers that tore through the paper if you tried to erase anything. And the dang ink didn't come off anyway, since it clumped like blood clots when you wrote.

So imagine my skepticism when I got this recently as a freebie in my pen pack: the FriXion Eraseable Highlighter. A highlighter that erases? Whatever. (I held both my hands up in a "W" shape to an audience of no one.) But omg, it actually erases. I couldn't believe it. Mouth agape, I slapped my cheek in mock surprise.

Being energized but still cautious, I searched to see if they made pens. I've been burned before, so I didn't get my hopes up too high when I found a black FriXion pen at my local store. And immediately I fell in love with a new pen. I haven't felt that much love towards an inanimate object since Comedy Central bought the rights to MST3K from the Sci-Fi channel. I own this set of pens and couldn't be happier. (Although perhaps this pen would be better suited to my feminine needs. The comments already fulfill my need for snark.)

And a bonus for those with children or those with just a magic side- they act as invisible ink pens. Heat removes the writing and cold restores it. Awesome!

Juggling- its not just for clowns anymore

I had written this before getting laid off. It'll be interesting to see how it changes when I finish out my time.

My daily schedule is a bit arduous, but I think fairly typical for working moms who go to school. A given day during the week is as follows:

6:00am - up and out the door
6:30am - work
2:30pm - time for school!
3:00pm - MCAT studying
5:30pm - Class until 7:45
8:00pm - home; dinner, family time, tv time, catching up time, etc.
10:00pm - Mechanic Jr bedtime
10:10 - 12:00 or later - more homework

Rinse and repeat. Except for the days that I have no class, which in that case I take Mechanic Jr to school and work about 9 to 5. I come home, spend time with the family, and am immersed in school work and MCAT stuff for most of the evening. Weekends I play catch up with schooling and house work. I do laundry and bathrooms, Mr. Mechanic does dishes and other chores. If Mechanic Jr. has swimming, band, etc, I do those on my evenings off if I'm not in class.

Mr. Mechanic is also a student and a stay-at-home dad. I am the only breadwinner in the family, hence my reason for not quitting work and persuing school full time. My job survived the economic downturn- his did not. I couldn't do what I do without him. He cooks all the meals, makes lunches, does homework with Jr., picks him up from school, drops him off on my class days, etc. If you are a mother thinking about med school, you need a support system in place. You cannot do this alone. Even if you are a single mom, you need someone who is always there for you, who understands your needs, and is wholly supportive of them.

One of my favorite blogs is married momof3 medschool2004 by TexasRose on MomMd. She has long since quit blogging, but her story covers medical school through the near end of her residency. She shows just how hard and possible juggling a family and school can be.