With the first school bell the stress is on. It didn't even take one lousy day! I was supposed to fill out Mechanic Jr.'s emergency contact card (which is stupid considering it doesn't change from year to year- we should have the option to keep the old card, and sign it as updated or something) and if he returns it the next morning, he gets a prize.
Guess who didn't fill it out?
Sheesh. Already I'm behind. Just looking around the house I can make a list of a dozen things that needs to get done. And the MCAT studying is just not working as I'd hoped. I can't seem to find the proper time to study without spending hours learning only a handful of pages. And I'm not learning this stuff for the first time, I'm just reinforcing it. I don't want to be away from home any more than I have to, so I'm still sticking with the home studying. Jr likes to hang out right before bed and watch tv, get caught up on the day, play on the computer with me, etc. After that relaxing time he goes to bed, which usually translates to me going to bed too. Methinks I may have to get up early and use a few hours that way and see if it works.
I feel like such a failure some days because my haunting sense for doing what "I should be doing" kicks into overdrive. I should be studying more. I should be spending time with the family more. I should be exercising. I should be trying to at least brush my hair before leaving the house. I should eat breakfast. I should wash the sheets (I've become way too close to the crumbs that wedge their way in between my toes at night. We understand each other.) I should cook more dinners instead of relying on frozen veggie patties and french fries. I should, I should, I should.
It never ends. Everyone has a finite amount of time and energy to spend on whatever they want. I spend mine on work, school, family, and sleeping, definitely not necessarily in that order. That leaves just about zero time for cooking, cleaning, primping, watching tv, scrapbooking, exercising, reading (for leisure! the horrors!), and all kinds of other things that non-med-school-bound people do. Hell, I'm having a terrible time trying to find a way to be without my car so the dang oil can be changed.
So this morning I felt like a failure because I didn't fill out the emergency card, didn't study as much last night as I wanted to, left the house looking like Gollum, and didn't wake up early to exercise and study because I was too tired from not sleeping last night because I was tossing and turning with guilt and worry.
Welcome to motherhood in school.
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