I'm slowly coming to grips with losing the piece of my identity which was my career. It was much more than a job- it was my life. I graduated college, picked one wonderful company, and established myself as a successful scientist. I certainly have marketable skills and (hopefully) can land another job soon. (But I find myself grappling with the idea of whether or not I want to, what with this teeny tiny goal of becoming a doctor and all.)
The only time I have been unemployed since I was 12 was for two weeks after moving to a new state for college. I feel a bit lost here. I hope to be starting a SMP next summer, in about 9 to 11 months- should I just find a part-time job that has benefits and I can swap the FT work and PT schooling to PT work and FT schooling? Or should I remain in the mindset that I MUST work FT in order to be "successful"? (But most importantly, can I not call myself a scientist if I'm not paid or employed?)
And that in-lies my problem. I liked "doing it all". It was really hard but I enjoyed the challenge. I liked having that much responsibility on my shoulders. It made me feel alive. Others may enjoy sky-diving, fire-walking, or mob-killings as adventure sports, but I liked being over-scheduled and over-extended. It gave me pride. (Hence the only reason I am totally perfect for med school.)
I have applied to over a dozen jobs, ranging the gamut from temporary part-time to full-time with expected overtime. In other words, I threw everything at the kitchen wall to see what sticks. I hope I get at least one or two interviews and an offer. But a large of chunk of me wants to see what it's like to be just a student again, living off loans and credit cards (and retirement savings too- I am a bonafide adult, ya know), and seeing where this year takes me. (Hopefully it just won't take me to the poorhouse.)
No comments:
Post a Comment