Crawling up from the depths of oblivion

Holy cow, its been forever since I posted anything. That's the thing with making a bunch of life changes at once- the little things fall by the wayside.

Let's see, I moved across the country, left my family behind (boo!), attended graduate school, graduated (with a nice 3.53 GPA if I might add), accepted to a couple medical schools (HOLY SHIT!), and more excitedly, I got to chose which school I wanted (HOLY SHIT!!). I found a house in my new city, moved back home, started working for two months for the summer, and prepared to move again once more, but this time with my hubby and son. Yippee!!

So here I am, now a bona fide medical student. I've had about 3 months for it to sink in and I've accepted my fate. To be honest, it took a few days before it truly hit me. I was sitting on the couch alone one saturday watching my Discovery Fit & Health trauma shows and I started my routine- get a bowl of Top Ramen (chicken only, all other flavors are the devil), a cold Mt Dew, fabric napkin, and DVR. I always watch the opening intro and think, "God, please, let that be me one day." And as the fork was halfway between my mouth and my bowl, I had the epiphany, "That IS going to be me IN 4 YEARS." I burst into tears that were full of relief and excitement. Six years of working hard had finally paid off- I had finally gotten into medical school and I was going to be a doctor.

I survived graduate school even when I didn't think I would. I was accepted into medical school when I didn't think I would. And now I'm going to be a doctor when I didn't think I would. Here I am, a 40 year old mom of a tween and a medical student. Work hard, it will happen.

Professional tidbit I'm putting in my pocket for the future

At my hospital, the residents man the medic radios, answering questions, giving the approval for meds, declaring codes, etc. There is a script for answering the radios that's usually followed by all residents:

EMS: "Medic Doc, this is County ES, how do you receive?"

Medic Doc: "ES, we hear you loud and clear, go ahead."

EMS: "Medic Doc, we have a 65 year old female complaining of tight socks, baggy pants, and a light wallet. BP is 120/80, pulse 72, sugar stick negative, no active bleeding, GCS of 15. Permission to give a bolus of saline and 2 slaps to the side of the head?

Medic Doc: "Thank you ES, I understand you have a 65 year old female, normal vital signs and hemodynamically stable. I agree with your plan of saline and slaps, what is your ETA?

EMS: "Medic Doc, our ETA is 5 minutes, over."

Medic Doc: "Copy ES, over and out."

Wasn't that simple and clear? Very concise? Easy as pie, not hard, no hassles, and most importantly, no confusion.

Alas, this is July, when the new interns arrive, either timid and hesitant, or full of ego and bullshit. So I shouldn't have been surprised when the new resident answered the radio like this:

EMS: "Medic Doc, this is County ES, how do you receive?"

Medic Doc: "clear."

EMS: "Medic Doc, we did not register your response, please repeat."

Medic Doc: "clear."

EMS: "Medic Doc, did you reply?"

MD: "CLEAR."  (As if volume was the problem.)

EMS: "Medic Doc, we have not heard a clear response, we're going to assume you hear us. We have a 45 year old male complaining of shortness of patience, pain in his sphincter, and itchy teeth. Request to administer 50 of ...

(Interrupting) Medic Doc: "I said CLEAR."

EMS: "... and a repeat EKG if you deem it necessary, over."

MD: "......"

EMS: "Medic Doc?"

MD: "Ok."

EMS: "Um, Medic Doc, is that an ok to... everything? Did you hear us?"

MD: "I said ok, I'm on the other phone."

EMS: "Uh, Medic Doc, we need clarification, please repeat our transmission."

MD: "........"

EMS: "Medic Doc?"

MD: "......."

EMS: "Medic Doc, how do you receive?"

MD: (snottily) "I hear you, yeah."

EMS: "Can you repeat please?"

MD: "I'll see you in 10."

EMS: "Medic Doc, we're pulling up right now."

MD: "See you in 10."

During this whole conversation, she was talking to someone else on another phone, carrying on the same type of conversation. Due to tone, I'm guessing she was the ego intern, not the timid one. Never get sick in July...

More July 1 fun

Me to the surgery Fellow: "Hey doc, I see you're the new surgery Fellow. I need you to fill out this paperwork for the patient's procedure." (hands him paperwork)

Fellow: "Uh, what do I do?"

Me: "It's just asking for your permission to give blood products, which you've already ordered, so we just need the paperwork signed."

Fellow: "Uh, am I supposed to sign it?"

Me: "Yes, every Fellow before you has. Plus you ordered the products, so..."

Fellow: "Uh, let me ask my Attending."

Me: (What the hell?! It's just a damn signature!) "Uh, we can't give the orders without your signature, so could you please sign?"

Fellow: "Give the products, but I'm waiting on signing it until I hear from the Attending."

Me: "Seriously?!"

So I stood around for an hour waiting for the Attending to come tell this person who has had 5 years of post-medical school training to sign for his own damn orders. Welcome to July.

Changing of the Guard

Two weeks ago I noticed that the patients' ICU notes were getting submitted to records later and later, finally culminating in never being in before 5pm. I was all, 'what the hell?!' since rounding starts at 7am and ends around noon. I was getting really annoyed, as I need those charts to finish my work. When I started here in December, I was done at 2pm-ish, now, the beginning of summer, I'm getting done around 6 or 7. It was really irritating.

Fast-forward to this past weekend- I realized that the ICU notes were now being done by 9am. I was *impressed*. I had to pick up my jaw from the floor. I was done around noon, basking in the sunshine, so happy for the fact that obviously the residents wanted to leave early too! Yay! That was until I looked at the calendar and realized that July 1 had passed. And then it dawned on me- the gradual increase in lateness matched the increase in apathy for being done with residency year. The sharp uptick in punctuality was due to new interns being eager to please their attendings. Oh well, that's one positive that comes from new doctors at the helm.

Post MCAT blues

So I took my test on July 2nd as expected. I had read all the chapters, done many practice problems, and completed every AAMC practice test. I felt reasonably prepared. I was getting an average of 28 on my practice tests, which was reasonable for me. My highest score was 32 (11/11/10) and my lowest, 23 (7/8/8). I have taken this test twice before, each time feeling ok, but not overtly bad about it. Until Tuesday.

Nothing had prepared me for this test. It was a beast. It was awful. It was all I could do, to not burst into tears during the PS section. I started panicking, rushing through, having all thoughts of being doctor evaporate before my eyes. It sucked. The verbal was ok- maybe even great. I started to feel a little better, thinking, okay, I always suck at PS, I'll get through the verbal and BS sections and I'll be okay. And then BS kicked my ass as well. I would have cried on the way home if it weren't for the fact that I was trying to keep a strong front on the phone with my family.

So I'm mentally trying to prepare for a 24 (7/9/8). God, it was horrible. And now I feel like all my hopes have gone out the window, that there is no chance for me to get any secondaries, much less interviews and acceptances (I already submitted my app on the 22nd.) God, this sucks. :(

July 2 is 12 days away.

Less than 2 weeks.

I just returned from a very nice but way too short family vacation where I was away from the hospital for nearly two weeks (scheduling issues, my vacation was 5 days long.) And I can't believe how much I missed it. How much I missed the patients, the problems, the conditions, the hectic-ness, etc. Guess I really am made for this.

I finally finished my app but I haven't submitted it yet. I'm still debating on adding more schools, but I doubt I will. I think I'm waiting because once I submit, there's no turning back, and what if I want to rewrite something?! I'll probably submit tomorrow anyway.

So I'm back on MCAT patrol, trying in vain for that 30. We'll see...

Keeping on track... sort of

I kept on track and finished my class on Wednesday, probably one of the few promises I kept to myself lately. I worked on my app over the weekend, but I had so much work to do at the hospital, that I didn't get even a tenth of it finished. Needless to say, it's still sitting there, mocking my psyche, awaiting finishing. Not that it matters at this point, seeing as I'm still waiting for three more LORs and a transcript, and haven't even picked out all my schools, but it would be nice to get it off my mind.

And speaking of getting stuff off my mind, I am so tired of studying for the mcat. I just want this to be over. I don't want to be so mentally over this test that I forgo even trying to get a decent score, so I'm in a quandary of how to study without wanting to 100% ignore it and just watch reruns of ER. I don't hate this test, I don't hate any standardized tests, and I don't hate studying, it's just that I'm *done* with this test. Since I'll be taking a family vacation from Friday to Tuesday, I'm working the beginning of the week instead of the end like I normally do (here goes not having a day off in about 10 days) and then back to the grind of mcat until July 2. I don't even know what day I would have to reschedule my test, that's how positive I am I will be taking it this time.

I haven't done a thing to prepare to for grad school, except sorta think about the drive down there and which day will be my last one at work. Oh and I haven't yet told one job I'm leaving, which I feel really weird about- most people give their boss 2 weeks notice, here I am feeling bad about not giving 2 months notice. I have to dig up my shot records, get a physical, tune up my car, etc., etc., etc. Ugh, way too much to do, so I don't want to do any of it.

But to move forward on a bright note, I will be studying gen chem all day, physics tomorrow, bio on Wednesday (all day, since I don't work... I think), and fitting in finishing my app, plus a little verbal and ochem. Did I bring this on myself? Oh yes I did, and now I'm cleaning up the mess.